Wednesday, November 30, 2016


Shotgun wedding in the mountains with lots of garlands of rosemary worn by all, and every member of the wedding party with a shotgun, though a few of the older guests carried civil war era muskets. The groom was shaking and did a wild dance down the aisle, it caught on and made it's way down the mountain and across the country till in every discotheque, bar and barn dance folks were doing the shotgun wedding boogie. There were tales it had originated at a real shotgun wedding up in the mountains but nobody believed that gibberish. The DJ cued up a record and said "Alright kids, it's Shotgun Wedding Boogie Fever by The Starlight Express Band, I wanna see you all doing that boogie like there's a dozen shotguns pointed right at you, alright."

Monday, November 28, 2016


Friendly aliens came down and smiled at everybody. They brought some of their space booze out and we all sat in the park and got a little lifted and felt the sunshine on our outer layers and they made their weird alien noises and gestures and we were feeling pretty friendly too so we smiled and chuckled. Eventually we realized a game of charades would get over the language barrier, but even though we could act stuff out, we couldn't really communicate if the other species was getting the answer right. But eventually they took out their alien boombox and played some wild space jazz and as the the sun was coming down we all got our wiggle on on the grass and and showed each other our moves and man, it was beautiful. Those friendly aliens are a gas.

Sunday, November 27, 2016


I ran out into the street dancing, doing spins and leaps and twists and the pianos rang out all around me and I danced out into traffic and pirouetted all through it and over the top of cars and onto rooftops and back down onto the street and a I patted dogs and scruffed little kids on the top of their heads and kissed girls and sipped strangers drinks and kept dancing all through the neighborhood until I got to the river, and then I danced right out on top of the water, the balls of my feet balancing on the tiny ripples and riding the current and I leaned back and pulled an eel out the water and kissed it and tenderly let it slide back underwater, swooning and wiggling it's way back to the little pocket of underwater it called home.

Saturday, November 26, 2016


A dramatic flurry of feathers greeted me as i stepped out onto the boat. I had been in the cabin counting my jewels and whispering sweet nothings to the cabin boy, and unbeknownst to me a band of angry seagulls had been gathering outside. I am a pirate and go where I care to, but seagulls are deeply divisive and protective of their territory. They felt i had sailed onto their turf without a proper parlay and they were going to rough me up. So there they were flapping and pecking at me from all angles, and i was swinging my cutlass, cutting whatever i could, sending feathers flying.

Friday, November 25, 2016


Little Beaver sips his scotch and stares out the window. The Miami sunshine is streaming through the glass, but he's painting raindrops all over it. He's trying to be cool, trying to focus on some other thing than his girl running around all over town. Hell, he's trying to be happy for her. Young lady like that, that's what she oughta be doing. Running round having a good time. He's got everything he needs here, plenty of fine silk pillows, his guitar, his hi-fi system, a nice bottle of brown liquor and a cat making figure eights around his ankles. He sighs. I can dig it, baby.

Thursday, November 24, 2016


Inside the church organ there is a family of spiders crowded around the dinner table that perches precariously on their web. The spiders are all gathered around the fly that they have to share and they are saying spider grace. In the middle of the prayer, the littlest spider leaps up and grabs the fly in it's spidery fangs and goes running off down the organ pipe. The others are aghast and give chase, but they'll never catch the baby spider. Baby spider is eating the fly as it runs for extra strength, and baby spider has the strength of determination to go clear, because today it's really going clear. It's decided that it's family are a bunch of jerks and it's gonna find a new life in a new organ with a rag tag bunch of misfit orphan organ spiders that really understand it.


Little blobs of pain floating around so small that you not even quite sure you can see them, it's just a weird ripple of the water or a leaf or a sea cucumber or something, but you don't feel quite right, and then there's a whole bunch of big globs of pain all blobbing up and down in the water and you like, "oh shit, that's definitely a bunch of pain, at least I wasn't just imaging things and losing my mind", and by the time you finish that sentence they've blobbed up a whole lot more of them like fishing lures floating there all over the top of the water and now shit these things are just about covering the whole surface and then you think, "geez, is there even any water here any more?", and that's when you know you officially full of pain.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016


A giant worm the size of a worm that is bigger than other worms pressed itself against a building and made it all slimy. The building was grossed out and ran away to wash the worm juice off it in the bathroom. As the building looked at itself in the mirror, it got to thinking about how it'd spent all of it's life so far just standing there in the city, providing a place of shelter for humans to conduct their financial transactions. In a way it could feel good about this life of quiet service, but right now the building felt indignant about never having looked out for it's own needs. It shook all the people out of itself and heading to the railroad tracks. It would hop a boxcar and start getting into all the adventures it had missed out. At least three per day. First it would need a handkerchief to tie around it's neck. And a good knife.

Monday, November 21, 2016


My skin feels so good that I feel i should invite the world's refugees to come and live on my skin. Come tired wanderers, rest your heads on this soft pillowy bed of mildly hair skin and in the morning we can get to work building a new city for you here, first some makeshift shelter and then onto barns and farming type things and eventually windmills and office buildings and giant statues of fallen loved ones and space needle lookouts and I wonder how I will get around doing my daily business with all these things hanging off me. I shall certainly have to have my tailor make a few adjustments to my sports coats, perhaps the people can just live on one arm, and I can pioneer a new look in one armed sports coats.

Sunday, November 20, 2016


There is a beautiful young lady asleep in my bed.  I am awake. Oftentimes I am asleep in my bed and she is here, awake. There are brief periods and odd times when we are both here awake at the same time and we eat sandwiches full of cheese and look into each others eyes. But this is not one of those times. She is breathing softly into the purple pillow and her bleached white hair and her brown skin and the purple pillow make for a fine combination. There are no ants running through her hair.

Saturday, November 19, 2016


Crumbling the moist flakes of this acrid unknown material into the joint, I wondered if i was making a poor life choice. Had Albert Einstein begun his journey into legendary science guy status in such a manner? I concluded that he probably had, twisted it up and puffed away. As the noxious purple smoke entered my lungs and circulated throughout my bloodstream and fizzed in my brain, I started to formulate all kinds of scientific theories. They seemed to be presenting themselves to me fully formed, but I had no academic basis in science whatsoever so i couldn't understand them at all. I asked the man next to me if he could take a picture of my brain for later assessment.

Friday, November 18, 2016


Feeble minded sycophants in jodhpurs all rushing up a hill, tearing at one another till they are nothing but skeletons in jodhpurs, eventually each bone is severed from the other and the entire hill is covered white with bones. The beige jodhpurs slide to the bottom and make a ring around the hill, a moat of jodhpurs if you will. It looks like some kind of upside down chicken and rice dish, but all those bones are soon set upon by dogs and each one runs away wagging it's tail with an "I've got a new bone, and I stole it!" gleam in it's eye.

Thursday, November 17, 2016


The bitter taste hung around my mouth for several days, unabated. I tried eating c antelope and drinking gin with milk and i gargled drain cleaning fluid and i scraped my tongue with a razor but it was to no avail. I realized the bitterness must be in my brain so I went onto the rooftop and meditated for three days, through the rain and hail and lighting. I was struck by lightning seven times. It seemed ridiculous. When i returned to the ground, I could not walk in a straight line so i took to walking sideways, like a crab. I used my hands like pincers, and when i wanted someone to pass me the salt, I would look them hard in the eye and make the "click click" pincer movement with my hands.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016


Underneath the night sky there walk little feet with three prongs of spiky nailed yellow tough skin that scratches the ground in morse code, Alerting the other fowl that the time for action is now. The chickens and pheasants and geese and water ducks gather in the clearing and form a great bird pyramid. Eventually the very highest bird is able to reach the moon. It gives it one fierce peck and the moon cracks open, with a mighty crack that sends a wave shooting through the universe, spinning planets around and shooting cosmic dust all over the place. The great fiery bird emerges from the moon and squawks haughtily.