Monday, August 31, 2015
I put the jug to my lips and drank deeply. As my throat bulged and subsided with each swallow, the snake kissed my neck tenderly. Every now and then it would bare it's fangs and scrape them along my skin sensually, but it would never bite. When I had drunk my fill, I took the snake by the head and kissed it full on the mouth, staring deep into it's reptile eyes. Oh, what a feeling.
Friday, August 28, 2015
All the atoms inside me are swirling around all the time, so you would think that they would be used to spinning around and not getting dizzy, but when i see you approach, all the atoms spin much faster than usual and they get dizzy, and since I am made up of these atoms, I get dizzy, and then I fall to the ground. And you are always so kind and take me to the hospital and hold my hand and smile at me with your eyes. They are going to bring me hospital food soon, stay with me and lets eat it together. i have hot sauce in my pocket.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
In a moment I shall use the jawbone of an ass to make percussive sounds the likes of which your ears have never heard, your brain will fizz and your teeth will tingle one at a time in a lovely tooth buzzing glissando effect, your stomach will drop and your eyes will sparkle, the joints in your knees will rotate 360 degrees and and your shins will hum, it will be like the opposite of being kicked in the shins, that is how your shins will feel when these vibrations have travelled through the air and hit your ear drums and been transmitted to your brain and then relayed to your shins
Sunday, August 16, 2015
On the island there are many coconuts, and I use them for a variety of purposes, to make the clip clopping sound of horses for films, and also for other purposes also. but I do not eat them .I believe it's white meat to be devil meat, and it's sweet delicious juice, though delicious, is filled with insanifying active ingredients that get into the blood and make one act in a manner ill-fitting someone of my upper class breeding. I shall not taste it.
Friday, August 14, 2015
My heart pumps blood into all my appendages for the purpose of doing your bidding. If you need me to lift a truck from off of a burning child or to make you crepe suzette or to slap you hard in the face or to take out your garbage and separate the bottle and cans or to walk to a faraway land so I can recount to you the experience of doing so or to caress your flank tenderly or to write you poetry espousing my feelings for your wondrous humanity, this my appendages will do gladly with the blood my heart pumps into them.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
great lovely sticky buns, covered in cream, as far as the eye could see. sally romped among them, and soon there was jam all over her face and cream all over her dress and more jam on her white frilly socks and more cream on her black buckled shoes, and as she romped she gorged herself on these sweet sticky treats until she was bloated and straining and eventually she just had to lay amongst the mess, dazed and glassy eyed in squalor, but still all around her there were miles and miles of untouched gleaming sweet pastry goods.
Sunday, August 9, 2015
If you can't pick tulips in your dreams because you have no hands, just pick them with your mouth, you may even get some of that sweet pollen in your mouth and become engorged like a bee, honey spilling out of your pores and making you sticky and attractive to the opposite sex of many creatures. you may be chased down the highway by randy mooses and mouses and think twice next time you decide to have a dream with no hands.
Friday, August 7, 2015
A grizzly bear sat by the edge of the river, staring at his reflection. Salmon swam by, looking at him real leery and ready to dart off at the first move, but he didn't even notice therm. It was strange sometimes to be bear. To be so large and hairy and cumbersome. He thought how he would like to be a bird, even just for a little while.
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Sweet breezes blow through palm tress and ripple the water.Oone breeze smells like coconut. Another smells like lilac. Another smells like cardoman. They are completely separate breezes. You can even see a line between them if you squint close. I arrange my bamboo chair so I am getting hit square in the face by the cardoman breeze and stare at the red sunset and hope these fellows don't get tired of plying this lovely woozy music.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
I wrote a letter to my grandma the other day. I said, "Granny, call me on the phone". So she calls me on the phone and says, "Are you fucking with me? Why didn't you just call me?" I said, "Granny, it's cause I don't got no credit but they let me send letters. I'm being held hostage in Pakistan, by a group of German nihilists funnily enough. Anyway, I was telling them about that orange chicken you used to make and they all started dribbling and now they want me to make it for them. So can you give me the recipe?"
Monday, August 3, 2015
I was standing outside the window, hoping the couple would have some kind of domestic argument and one of them would throw their dinner out the window in a display of anger, and that some of the dinner would land in my mouth. I had no arms at the time, so I couldn't use them to catch any food. The likelihood of this domestic situation occurring just as I was standing there may seem like quite the off chance, dear reader, but I had observed this happening from this very window on a number of previous occasions.